I got a message from an old friend today. We haven't spoken in years, grew apart after our lives went in different directions and we started making choices the other didn't understand. After Colin died, and I came back into my own head enough to start thinking about life and the future and choices, I found it easy to let go of things that weren't working out for me. I had very little patience for putting my energy and will towards things that weren't perfect for my life. That is not to say that I did all the right things and stopped doing the wrong things, but if I was unhappy or uncomfortable with something, I just cut it out of my life.
That's what happened with us; she made some choices and decisions I didn't understand and was uncomfortable with so I stopped talking to her. I went my own way and didn't look back.
Now, I read her message to me and I find myself wanting to know how she is. I want to know what she's interested in and what she's doing. She was my best friend once and there was a time when I couldn't imagine her not in my life. I don't know if I'll even like her now, or if she'll like me. I'm certain I said mean things to her, because I do that.
Do I deserve the friendship of someone I turned my back on? Do I deserve forgiveness when I turned into the kind of person who can so easily walk away from someone who was once very important to me? Do people really change?