This week's journal prompt brought a lot of music to mind. I wrote about a couple experiences here; talking with my husband over dinner recently reminded me of another.
Steve and I were visiting his brother's family; on one of our last days with them, we gathered in the living room. It wasn't really planned, it seemed like it just sort of happened. Steve's brother, Chris; Chris's wife, Jodie; their daughters Marin and Ellie, and their son Jack. They had pulled out a song book - music Steve and Chris had written together when they were younger, or other songs that they liked. They are very talented musically, which makes me a little jealous.
Chris or Steve was playing guitar - I forget which. Marin was on the floor between them, singing along and turning the pages of the music book when appropriate. Everyone was singing, except for me (it's only polite really, I'm terrible at it). I was sitting on a small loveseat enjoying their enthusiasm. Ellie, six or seven at the time and adorably blond and tiny, climbed up next to me on the sofa and snuggled against my shoulder. Sitting in their home and enjoying their music and their family, I felt completely at peace.
I didn't really know them at all - in fact, I'd met them mere days before. Normally, such an experience would make me feel out of place and awkward - not being able to contribute to the fun happening around me, and not being the sort to sit around and sing with even my own family let alone someone else's, but I didn't feel out of place or awkward. Being a part of their family moment, cuddling with a child I barely knew, I felt comfortable. I felt like I belonged with them. I wanted them to be my family and I loved them before I knew them.
They sang several songs that morning, but the one that is connected to my feelings of belonging was Being Around by the Lemonheads. I was familiar with this song in high school, but I have connections to it now that I never had before. If you're not familiar with this song, go download it and listen to it right now. The original isn't as good as what my family produces (sorry, Lemonheads) but it deserves to be heard.
The part that got me that day, and continues to toggle that music-ache inside me every time I hear it, is this line: "would you trust me, not to break you? I'm just trying really hard to make you notice me being around."
Steve's family is amazing; they are kind and compassionate and loving. They accepted me straight away, despite all the things about me that felt unacceptable. They treated me like I was part of the family from the very first and when I hear this song I recall that trip and the days so filled with love and new friendships; I recall Ellie, who showed me affection with the simple clarity of a cuddle; and I feel the overwhelming sense of joy at just being around new family, who I really do trust not to break me.