Saturday, September 15, 2007

Stiff ankles

My ankles have been really stiff lately when I run. I thought it was just getting into a new routine, and that the stiffness would wear off after my body fully adjusted to the amount of work I'm making it do, but that's not so. I ran again tonight and the moment my foot hits the ground my ankles screamed with pain. It's bearable pain, but pain nonetheless.

Aerolin suggested running on dirt trails, which sounds so much better than the concrete I have been running on. Until I have the chance to do that, however, I've got to work something else out. I have cut so much fat out of my diet that I wonder if that's the cause of my stiff joints.

I think I'll make a trek to a high school track sometime in the future

Thursday, September 13, 2007

The pain of running

I hurt. Mostly all over. My knees are aching; my ankles creak when I move. My chest feels as though it's in a vise, my breath coming in great, gasping, uneven breaths. My face is red, my hair matted with sweat; my body is sticky with perspiration and my clothes are plastered to my skin with it. My heart is trying to pound its way out of my chest

I had the worst day today, and I've just been out running. My body feels like it's going to tear itself apart, and I've never felt better.

Sunday, September 9, 2007

The sculpture of life

A very strong and wise woman said to me that she'd experienced an unpleasant and traumatic event because she felt it was a stepping stone to becoming what she is meant to be. She turned a sexual assault into a learning experience, into something that will help her realize her potential as a human being. I'm paraphrasing here, but this is the meaning I took from her words. I have so much love and pride for her, so much respect for her intellect and her wisdom.

I think of life as a sculpture: a sculptor adds and removes clay from their subject until a shape emerges; removing excess from one area and applying it to another, taking a step back and looking at the whole, judging the overall effect and making adjustments as necessary. This concept, applied to a person's life, works much in the same way. By examining events and actions, one can determine through reflection how the whole is impacted; take away what doesn't contribute positively to the overall affect and either apply it somewhere else or learn from the circumstance and discard it.

This can be a monumental task, because the emotions drawn out from events in our lives add a complex layer to our sculpture. Not only do we examine our work, but we have feelings for it as well; those feelings can cloud our perception of the sculpture, in such a way as to change our perception of it.

Tuesday, September 4, 2007

Running from negativity

I've been focusing on getting my body into shape now that my eating habits are so much better. I have been walking with Jeff in the evenings, and lately I've been trying to get in shape enough to run. For now this means running for a few yards then dropping back into a walk for a block, running for another few yards, and so on. It's slow going, and I'm sore from shoulders to ankles the next day but I feel great. I bought a walkman to listen to books on tape while I'm out on my own and I'm really enjoying the exercise.

I've also added some weight training back into my routine. I have to force my body to continue, and my mind seems to shriek with an overwhelming need to lay around the house and read, but I'm slowly getting my sedentary habits under control.

I wasn't prepared for the cathartic effect of running. I've always heard that when I'm in a funk physical exercise will break me out of it; when I'm in a funk, I just want to lay around and drink hot, sugar-laden drinks out of over-sized coffee mugs, read mystery novels, and be left alone. I feel so much clarity when I'm running, though. I feel like my body is breaking apart and releasing capsules of negativity, which I'm sweating out of my pores. Answers come to me in those moments, solutions to questions I have about life and changes around me, in a way that I seek when I meditate.

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