Sunday, August 31, 2008

Personal fault: impatience

So I took Mr. J to an urgent care centre this morning. We arrived at 11am and waited. Then we waited some more; to pass the time, we did some extra waiting. Two hours into the waiting, he was called in. Once we got past that things went rather fast. It shouldn't really be called urgent care. They should call it whenever we get around to it care.

A rapid strep culture showed nothing anomalous, but the doctor ordered another culture. We'll find out in a couple of days whether it's viral or bacterial. We're hoping for bacterial, since there's actually something that can help with that. In the mean-time, the doctor gave him ten days' worth of sample antibiotics.

I'm not very good at waiting. I was okay for about twenty minutes, then my legs started to cramp. My eyes watered and I couldn't stop yawning and I wanted to scream, then run around the waiting room. I had Ajahn Brahm on podcast, so I listened to him some. Then my ears started to itch, and I was afraid I wouldn't hear something important happening around me so I had to shut it off.

I tried meditating some; I sat all comfortable with my feet straight and my hands at my side. I closed my eyes and repeated silently that I'm calm, and patient, and quiet. I repeated this over and over, as I do with things I need or want, thinking that the more I say it the more it will come to pass. Then I became nervous that I wouldn't see something important happening around me and had to open my eyes. And when I did I discovered a man across the room staring at me, so I decided that meditating in public is a bad idea.

It did help me to be a little more calm, though, so I guess I got my big payoff.


thejunkyswife said...

I have patience grocery store lines. In cars in traffic. I try to think of time when I'm stuck waiting as time for me, but it always feels like I'm being robbed of something...

Jade said...

When I was commuting 3+ hours per day, I was totally into the groove of waiting-as-me-time. I meditated in traffic, I reflected on my life and the choices I had made; I did deep soul-searching about the sort of influences I have around me. I thought about my friends, about my school-work, my job ... I was all Zen with the waiting and using it to my advantage, for years I was good at this. Then I moved -and while that is great for me on so many levels, everything happens immediately for me now and I've all lost my ability to Zen my waiting time away.

Mary P Jones (MPJ) said...

Hope Mr. J is feeling better soon!

I find it depends so much on where I am. I'm fine sitting and staring at the ceiling at home, but in a waiting room, all I want to do is get the hell out of there. I think out in the world among people is not my comfort zone! ;)

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