While roaming around Powell's books a few days ago after dinner, I found this notepad. I think Mr. J was quite concerned that I'd buy it and leave happiness slips around the house for him. I was tempted, but I settled for a photograph instead.
Then I read this in The Artist's Way:
Many of us find that we have squandered our own creative energies by investing disproportionately in the lives, hopes, dreams, and plans of others.
And I got to thinking about I have squandered my own creative energies by investing disproportionately in the well-being of others. Of one other, specifically, and how that didn't really work out for me. And I got to thinking about RHG's lists and I decided to call my notepad "things I must do to make me happy", because why should I rely on someone else to do that for me? Additionally, as a by-product of putting all my emotional energy into a man who took his own life, I find that I spare very little of my own energy making others happy nowadays. I require that the people in my life do that for themselves, and I make myself largely unavailable as a resource for that happiness. My loved ones either gain happiness from being around me, or they do not. And if they do not, I don't take responsibility for that.
I am also a fan of the lists, and here is today's list of things that make me happy:
- Roller skating
- Freshly brewed coffee
- That Mr. J and I can do completely separate things and still enjoy one another's company
Now I'm going to take my freshly brewed coffee into the bathroom and get myself sexy for the roller skating.
In happiness ...