Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Is that your dick on the table, or are you just a messy eater?

Mr. J and I were sitting at the dining table, playing cribbage and eating a candy bar; that is, Mr. J was eating my leftover candy bar, dropping bits of it out of his mouth as he chewed (he's like that), while I was supposed to be shuffling the cards for my next deal. Instead, I was staring open-mouthed (I learned it from watching him!) at him, the cards completely forgotten in my hands, a little surprised that a man could make such a mess with one little candy bar (this shouldn't be a shock to me after all this time, but it still is). Chocolate droppings scattered across the table in front of him as he murdered my candy bar with his mouth.

As I watched in disgusted fascination, he wet his fingertip and began collecting the escaped bits of chocolate while I supervised and pointed out crummies he'd missed. I thought he was deliberately avoiding that last crumb and pointed at it insistently.

It wasn't until he ran his palm flat over the table that I realized it wasn't a crumb at all; I blurted out, "Oh! It's a dick!"

Wait, what?

That's right, I said dick. I'm sure I meant that it was a ditch, or a divet, or a ding, but by the time it passed my lips it was a dick.

Shush.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

What ELSE would you say? Said the girl who walked into the screen door...

xoxorhg

Jade said...

Yeah, but I bet you never confused a scratch on your table for Rudimentary's bisquits, hmm?

Anonymous said...

No, I have not. But that's only because they are unique and I know them so well...

I still don't know how you confused a knick in the table for a dick though. Maybe it's because they rhyme: Knick = dick.

What rhymes with biscuits?

Mr. J said...

Triscuits?

Anonymous said...

I'll never confuse Rudy's biscuits with Triscuits. Even if they get all square and crunchy.

Mary P Jones (MPJ) said...

Ow! This made me laugh out loud! I love the title too. :)

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