Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Unstable

One of my employees confided in me today: she's bought a gun, and she was going to kill herself.

I don't know what to do with this information.

I suggested counseling. She's already pursuing that.

I suggested the suicide hotline. She's got them on speed-dial, but says they keep putting her on hold (what's up with that?).

I'm not good at this part. Of course she can call me, if she just needs someone to tell her that she is valuable and worthy of life; or someone to listen to her to talk her away from raggedy edge.

But how useful can I be in that capacity? My own husband, who knew how much I loved and valued him, couldn't turn to me; how can I help this woman?

I don't have the gene that tells me the right things to say to a person who wants to die. I don't have any desire for compassion or nurturing; and I feel that a person who confides in suicidal feelings is looking for compassion and nurturing.

Honestly, I feel like I don't have the emotional energy to help a person work through this, and I'm so not qualified for it. I don't want to know, and I have nothing to give her.

I don't want to be the boss anymore. I would like to let someone else take over now, please.

3 comments:

Cat said...

how tragic I am so sorry you have been placed in the middle- just follow your gut instinct. That's all you can really do.

Jocelyn said...

Sounds like an awful place to be in. Who is her counselor and is it ok to contact them and inform of her intent?

This can't be pleasant after your own experience. I wish you lots of peace and strength.

Jade said...

Thank you for the comment, Jocelyn. If I am to believe her, her counselor knows of her suicidal thoughts and is helping her work through them. I hope, for her sake, she's being honest with her counselor.

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