Wednesday, April 22, 2009

I look like my mother

I have a picture of my parents from their late teens or early twenties, and I looked a lot like my mom did when I became that same age. I always knew I would like very much like my mom someday, and today it happened. I looked in the mirror this morning, and saw my mom staring back at me.

It was twenty-years-ago Mom, and I remember being a little girl and thinking my mom was beautiful and perfect. I was certain she could see me even when she wasn't in the same room with me. I thought she could read minds and walk through walls and hear for miles. She was young and hip and smart, and she knew everything; she was sophisticated, with her long, skinny cigarettes and she just had a way about her. She was clever and funny and she made people love her.

I didn't get that part, but I do rather fancy myself as young and hip when I'm not being a complete dork. It was startling to see my mom in the mirror, and I felt a momentary disconnect from my existence. As though I wasn't looking at myself, but that I was my mom looking out of the mirror, and marveling at how much time had gone by.

As I looked at my own reflection, I felt it staring back and assessing the young woman standing there. Has she done enough? Is she someone to be proud of? She looks like maybe she has more learning to do.

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