Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Death

In December 2006 my best friend's husband died. There was a lot of controversy and question about the nature and manner of his death, questions that I don't think have yet been fully answered. Before her husband died, she had been seeing another man, a boyfriend she was going to leave her husband for eventually. After the death of her husband, she moved in with this boyfriend, and now he is dead also. He died "peacefully", according to his obituary.

Everyone who has known her for any length of time believes that she is responsible for these two deaths. It is unfathomable to me that my friend has done this, is capable of doing this. It is sad that everyone has made their minds up about her before knowing all the facts.

She and I have not been close in a long time. We seemed like we were becoming close friends again after her husband died, but that didn't last long. I have no idea what is happening with her or where she is emotionally. The last time I saw her, she seemed a little unraveled, but no more so than one would expect after finding a spouse dead. Back then, a lot of people suspected she was responsible for her husband's death. It made me angry, because I've been there, understand exactly how if feels to have friends and family blame you for someone's death. Even given the suspicious details, I felt supportive of her because I know how heart breaking it is to have friends rush to judgment without knowing everything; I know how hurtful it is for people to spread rumours without regard to the damage that sort of talk can do. And I learned how fast people can turn against you in a moment of high drama like the traumatic death of a loved one.

I still feel supportive of her, even though we haven't spoken in nearly a year; I still feel unwilling to make my mind up because I don't know everything that happened, have only a second-hand story and completely non-informative obituary to go on. But I'm reeling from this, don't understand how my childhood friend, that silly blonde who could hardly put two thoughts together, has found her life in such a right mess.

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