Is it too early to make resolutions?

I don't normally make New Years resolutions. I find myself less likely to keep them if I make a big deal about making them. This year, however, I resolve to visit my dentist more often. I don't have any particular trauma associated with dentists, except that I hate them. I hated going to the dentist as a child, and have only been twice as an adult. I still hate going.

My dentist is a nice enough fellow, but he hasn't got any breasts. I'd be a lot more inclined to keep regular appointments if he had breasts. Because I tend to avoid regular teeth cleaning, it's a particularly painful procedure each time. And, because it's so painful, I avoid doing it for the most part. I've finally faced the fact that I am simply making the whole ordeal worse by allowing myself to procrastinate, hence my resolution.

So, I've been to the dentist two days in a row. I had the hands of multiple strangers stretching my mouth to its capacity, and not in the good way. I'm cranky and in a lot of pain. I would like copious amounts of booze or drugs. Unfortunately, I am all out of drugs and the only booze in my house is of the very cheap, very old, very non-consumable variety.

Someone please call my house to make sure I haven't killed my husband.