Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Losing patience, finding balance

In trying to find my balance, I have realized that part of my problem is my patience. Or, to be more precise, my extreme lack of patience. I want things to happen for me right now. I want to move. I am on the cusp of moving to a new city and I want to be there RIGHT NOW. I want to pack, and clean, and paint, and get the fuck out of here. I want to curl up next to the fireplace in my new apartment, and run up and down the stairs and scream my head off, and organize the closets.

I haven't done any serious yoga in months and I want to have that back. Like any other form of exercise, there is a momentum to be honoured there and I'm not really looking forward to building that back up. I want to do lots and lots of yoga RIGHT NOW. I desperately need to resume running and weight training, and I want to get started. But it's almost 9pm, and by the time I'll have a chance to actually run I'll have lost my drive.

I want to get back into reading Tarot for myself. I want the deck of Medicine Cards Aerolin keeps telling me about. She got me interested in stones, and I want some. I want them all, actually. I want to study them and learn all about them and put them under my pillow and love them. And I want all that RIGHT NOW.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Wow. Now you're speaking my language. Wanting things NOW, RIGHT NOW, instant gratification - I understand that completely because I struggle with that daily. I hate waiting, I have no patience, I drive people crazy with this. But for me the payoff is getting that thing, or completing that task, and feeling accomplished, feeling DONE. It's almost like I have just collected another piece of a puzzle or something when I have crossed an item off the to-do list. The feeling of WANT drives me. The tough part is when the WANT isn't something tangible, but a feeling of contentment, or balance. Then I have to figure out how to get it. It's continuous. I live in the spin cycle.

I guess I don't have any answers, but I know how you feel. And the I Ching helps, and so does working out. And big, deep breaths. The yoga kind. Do those a lot. ;-)


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