I am seeing a lot about the death and rebirth of the Self, the soul. A lot of people I know or know of are going through a personal transformation, and I've seen a lot of them express knowledge that they will be something and someone different from who they were when they went into that transition.
I am going through my own unnamed emotional evolution right now, and something that terrifies me is that I will not be the same person when it's over. I'm afraid not of change, but of changing. Does that make sense? In all my transformations during the early years of my life, I feel as though the essence of what made me me was the same. I was still the same person inside - the same woman, the same wife, the same daughter. I've carried about me the same me-ness that I always had, simply fattened by foregoing events. The experiences which helped shaped me have simply added to my nature, my personality, my programming, but never did I lose one Self as I became another entirely.
I am not at all comfortable with the concept of changing thus. I've been through a complete death of Self; I went through a shattering change after Colin's death, and I became a truly different person out of necessity. I didn't recognize it for what it was while it occurred and in looking back I don't recognize the girl who went into that transformation. She died with Colin, and I was borne out that experience. It was difficult, and painful, and heart-breaking. But in the end I became who I am today and I'm happy with her; I worked hard to become who I am now and I don't want a total death of this me. I've only been in this skin for a few years and I don't think I can pull another Self over this one.