Tuesday, January 1, 2008

A day of death and rebirth

The concept of New Year's resolutions leaves me feeling resigned and stupid. I used to make them regularly; each year I would promise to myself that I would do the things I hadn't fulfilled the previous year. I would vow to renew those resolutions and commit to them until they were finished. Each year I failed fantastically. Resolutions, especially those made at the new year, feel like something people do because they are expected to, because there are things people think they want to do. I think the failing is imminent because we put so much pressure on ourselves to do accomplish these resolutions.

Nevertheless, the new year is such a terrific time to make changes in one's life. The resolutions I've succeeded at, I've done so because I didn't think of them as resolutions, but as goals. And the new year not as the New Year, with capitals and everything, but as a day of death and rebirth. Death of the negatives that I wish to eradicate and rebirth of the positives that I choose to invite in. This is a new way of looking at things for me. I am much more comfortable with the negative aspects. I cleave to negativity; it helps me appreciate the beauty I find in life, the bright and shining things that hide from me. I invite the negativity into me, allow it to fill me and create a void for the positive things. Negativity is not a wall that blocks off the light, but a well that hollows me out so that happy things may fill me up.

This day of death and rebirth I wish to change the way I set goals for myself. Rather than make goals for the year, I will make goals for the day. I spend so much of my time looking to the future that I allow time to slide by me without focusing on today. Before I know what's happened, another year has ended and it's time for me to fill up with regrets again. The goals I choose for the coming days are simple, and I think I can accomplish them easily.

  • I will write
  • I will run
  • I will cook
  • I will craft
  • I will stop holding back so much

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