Focus: Minimalise

The word I have chosen for the coming year is minimalise. There are many areas of my life that are in desperate need of being organised. If you've been to my home, you know that I'm a terrible housekeeper; my pantry is a mess, my cupboards are hiding a disaster, and my garage... I can't even describe it.

Basically, the stuff that makes up my immediate surroundings is a nightmare. I've never been good at keeping house, but it's gotten worse the last few years. I know that I will be happier and more productive in a tidy environment, but I always find something else to do besides clean. 

The Buddha said that unnecessary possessions are unnecessary burdens. Oh, how my mind is burdened by unnecessary possessions. Some of it is the regular clutter of life; but some of it are things I feel deeply attached to. The Buddha has some stuff to say about attachment as well. Things I know and believe, and yet...

So, in 2023 I am focusing on minimalising several areas of my life, starting with the aforementioned garage and pantry. If you have any tips and tricks, or words of wisdom, lay it on me. 

And if you care to share your focus words, please do. We can celebrate each other's successes ... or cry together when we stumble, as we are sure to do along the way.

 

Journal prompt : self-care

I was chatting with a friend recently who was describing regular hair cuts as self-care. I have alternated between very long hair and an above-the-shoulder-length bob for most of my adult life. I grow it out until it's straggly and split on the ends and dry as old straw and then I cut it off when it gets to be a fire hazard.

I do not get my hair trimmed regularly. I refuse to do anything to my hair that requires regular maintenance. Which means I get my hair cut or coloured once every few years. 

Thinking about my self-care routine I realised... I don't really have one. Oh, I like a good bubble bath and occasionally give myself a manicure but I don't really do self-care. I work from home, don't have to put on any particular appearance, and mostly only go to the supermarket and church, so anything beyond basic daily hygiene feels like a waste of time.

Add in a pandemic and I live in sweat pants and prefer a messy bun to picking up a hair brush.

Suddenly though, self-care is a burning need I have. I'm on a mission to find a self-care routine that doesn't feel like work. Already I've taken all the fun out of it by bullet journaling and scheduling the crap out of it. I've got this perpetual checklist that I just migrate, incomplete, from one day to the next.

Do you have a self-care routine? What does that look like for you? How do you keep it from feeling like work?

Big deal, December

December is a big deal in my life: birthdays and death days, anniversaries both big and small. Parties and celebrations abound. Of course, Christmas, that amazing and dreadful time of year.

Five years ago on this day, my grandmother died. My mom and I moved away from our hometown when I was 10 years old, so I didn't spend a lot of time around my grandmother after that. I saw her regularly for summer breaks for a few years and a couple times as an adult. We talked on the phone and traded emails sporadically. She helped fund some of my college courses. In the couple years before she died she had been helping me with my genealogy, telling me family stories and filling in a lot of blanks on my ancestry chart.

Despite being estranged from her for much of my life, and not always getting along with her, I find a bit of .... grace? compassion? something like love for the grandma she was to me as an adult.

I am Gramanda (my grandma name) to several kiddos - most of whom are grown. I didn't grow into being a grandma like people who do it the normal way... you know, have your own kids who have their own kids, and then get years of practice being around them and watching them grow up into people. I'm not as good at it as I'd like to be. But thinking about my own grandma, about the cards and pictures and letters she saved, it makes me want to do my best. To leave my family feeling loved, and never having to question whether or not I liked them.

Mostly when I die, I just don't want them to have complicated feelings about me. Sure, they'll remember that I'm a scatter-brain and never finish important projects but I also hope they feel valued as people and know that, while imperfect, I love them with my whole heart.

An anniversary

Nine years ago today I was endowed in the temple (a place of worship for members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints). A lot happened that week … on December 6th the office I managed closed and I didn't have a job for the first time in 13 years. The next day I went to the temple to make some pretty serious forever-promises.

The promises made in the temple are sacred, so much so that we don't speak of them outside of the temple - not even with other members of our faith. But I will share that those promises are centred around a commitment to my (our) father in heaven, my family, and to doing my best to navigate this world with as much dignity as I can muster.

I am not always good at recognizing what that is supposed to look like. Sometimes I get it wrong, and sometimes I need others to tell me when I'm failing. That's especially fun, considering how much I just love when others tell me what to do.

For me, being endowed means always trying to be my best self. It means not being afraid to be held accountable for my actions and words. It means having grace for others. It means always honouring the divine nature of every person on Earth. I'm still working on that last one so if you see me failing, know that that is a flaw in me, and not a reflection of God.

Every year I feel like I learn a little more, and every year I am reminded of just how little I actually know. I am grateful for the grace and blessings that have kept me tethered to this world so I can keep learning and growing. And hopefully, improving.

I wasn't always a member of this church or even a Christian. I've followed a lot of different paths in life, some of which I still carry with me. I love to learn about other peoples' faith-based practices and spiritual activities. Do you have any practices that keep you grounded?

Focus word 2022

 

My 2022 focus word was observe. You didn’t know that though, because the post I drafted about it stayed in my drafts. Beautifully written, complete with a beginning, middle, and end and a plan. Only, drafted. 

I did not focus on observing in 2022. Much like the last couple years, I did not focus on much of anything. The idea behind the focus word, for those who may not be familiar, is to depart from the notion of a resolution (at which I have routinely failed due to a false construct around what I think that means) and instead embrace a concept or idea, identified by a simple word or phrase.

Focus words have worked so much better for me and give me more freedom to craft plans and concepts around what happiness might actually look like for me. 

When I decided to focus on observing, the idea was that I would pay attention to my mental and physical state, and see if I could draw a connection between what I was feeling and what was happening around me. From there I could make changes - to my diet, my daily routine, how I spent my downtime, how I communicated with those around me. 

One thing that I did observe was dissatisfaction at work. I do love my job - I've been at it for more than two decades, I am a recognised expert among many of my peers and colleagues, and I get to work with an amazing team who supports me and works hard. One area in particular was causing me quite a bit of stress and burnout; I advocated for change and eventually achieved it, with the help of my leadership.

I didn't have full control over those circumstances, so I can't take credit for all of the change - but advocating for myself is challenging for me (thank you, imposter syndrome). The change I sought was slow to come, and for a hot minute it looked like I was not going to get what I was working toward. I had to sit with the idea that my worth and value could not be linked to the outcome I was asking for. 

It was a stressful time for me; eventually it paid off and while I still have some frustrations, the biggest one has been eased. And I feel better.

This is the purpose of the exercise of the focus word for me. Not to get too bogged down with specifics or details or rules or self-loathing when I fail not to eat an entire Christmas cheesecake for breakfast all by myself... but to work quietly on a gentle idea, to be forgiving of myself and others, to ease myself into big change for the year ahead. Softly and slowly, day by day, until I feel just a little bit better about life.

I'm kicking around some ideas for next year's focus. I want so many things and so many changes. But I know me... and I know that if I go too big, it'll just be me and that cheesecake on January 2nd.

How about you, friends - do you do the whole new year, new me routine? What keeps you on track? 

Currently...

 Reading : 

• Fair Warning (Michael Connelly) - I pre-ordered this book when it came out a couple years ago (last year? 2020? I can't even tell the years apart these days) but when it came it was large print. I couldn't make my brain adjust to large print and didn't read it. Now... my eyes are getting worse and large print means I don't need my reading glasses, so I'm back at it and loving it.
• The Zombie Fallout series (Mark Tufo) on Audible; okay, so I'm listening to this but I will fight anyone who says it doesn't count. I'm consuming a book with my ears. If you like zombie stories, check this out. I'm late to this series, so as usual I'm discovering new books many years after they were published. 
• Untamed (Glennon Doyle) on Audible. I love everything about this book, and I want to be best friends with Doyle.
• The One Thing (Gary Keller) - professional development reading that centres around the notion that focusing on one thing will allow for the best potential success.
• Scriptures, forever and always. Trying to be the best version of myself I can offer the world. Falling short, and trying my best. It's Old Testament this year, so study helps are a big bonus.

Crafting : 

• Christmas goodies for my Etsy store (GypsyandJade - Etsy)
• Breastforms 
• Random crocheted stuff... garland and scarves and bottle holders. It's endless.

Worries : 

• Health - I've recently had Covid and I'm still struggling with low energy and intermittent, unpredictable coughing fits. I am sure I'll be okay but lingering illness that keeps me on the edge of exhausted all the time is taking a toll on me. 

I've been away from writing for awhile. You've probably noticed, one dear reader. :)

I spent some time tonight catching up on favourite blogs, reading my own blog posts, and remembering how much easier it was for me to process all my big thoughts when I wrote them down.

And, oh do I still have thoughts. Big, ridiculous, random, crazy, hungry thoughts.