Thursday, June 11, 2015

Fitting in with ourselves

While catching up on my favourite bloggers today I read this line:

The right person for me will fit me as I am, not me as I wish I was. He won’t be perfect, he’ll have his own stories and issues, but somehow we’ll help each other feel more like ourselves.
This is from Susannah Conway who blogs here, and she's talking about the murky world of dating after being single for a time.

This line really resonated with me, particularly the part about helping each other feel more like ourselves. I've struggled feeling like myself for most of my life. Not in a big serious way, but in small quiet ways - I have often felt like I didn't really know who I was; what did I want out of life? Who did I want to make myself into? I was taught by my parents that I shouldn't work to fit in with my peers, that I should reject the notions of what other people thought I should be; but society tries to teach you to fit in, sit still, be normal, be nice, and for goodness' sake whatever you do do not speak your mind.

I failed at a lot of that most of the time. I have dated a lot of guys that only made those feelings worse. I married a few of them, the very best of them... they helped, a little. Helped me to not feel so outrageously awkward for a little while.

And then there's Steve. We joke about our favourite qualities in the other; he'll say something funny or clever and I'll tell him his sense of humour is my favourite thing about him. Or he'll do something nice and I'll tell him that his kindness and compassion toward others is my favourite thing.

Really though, my favourite thing about him is that he helps me feel more like myself. I can be perfectly at home in my awkwardness, my weirdness, and my inappropriate sense of humour with him and he not only accepts those things about me - he delights in them. I'll completely embarrass myself in public and he isn't put off, doesn't try to distance himself from me. He giggles with me because I'm so awkward and he shows me and everyone else around us that we love being that way.

He's on my side and he makes it okay that I'm odd.

I agree with Susannah - the right person will fit you just as you are. Steve says that there was a Jade-shaped hole in his life, and I fit right in there - just as I am.

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