Giving up

The last time I observed Lent was 2012. I gave up coffee in preparation for my baptism as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I made a paper chain to count down the days and had milestones with rewards for myself: 2 days in I treated myself to a day off work and stayed in bed with a book all day; a week in I bought a gourmet hot chocolate with extra peppermint.

 I made it the full 6 weeks and then I drank all the coffee for a little over a week before I had enough and finally gave it up for good. The last coffee I had was mid-April 2012. I've given up many things since then, but that was my first big give-up in observance of Lent, and proved to me that I really can do hard things in the name of being obedient to new values. 

I grew up Catholic, though we weren’t strong practitioners of that faith. Even so, every year I fought with my mom because I thought giving up broccoli or cleaning my room were perfectly acceptable Lenten sacrifices.

 I never had a testimony of sacrifice, of denying the flesh. Not as a Catholic, certainly not as a Wiccan; not even as a Buddhist, which practice focuses on self-mastery and overcoming carnal pursuits. It took joining the Church, one that doesn’t strictly hold to Lent practices, for me to truly understand how it can draw me closer to my own spiritual needs, to having better control over that which does not serve me, and ultimately to Christ.

 I am imperfect at denying myself ... well, anything that I really want. I have an inner hedonist at my core that rarely gets to do what she wants. The part of me that wants to connect with my faith, with the self-mastery that comes with denying worldly pursuits and reflecting on what my spirit truly needs to thrive, is battling that girl inside me that wants all the stuff all the time.

 This year, I am going small and cutting out electronics after 9p. I tend to spend 2-3 hours at night, every night, on my phone. Scrolling social media, reading the news, filling my head and my heart with what can surely wait until the morning.

 My phone isn’t going into a box with a complicated locking mechanism. For those few people who reach out to me when they need to talk or vent, I love you forever and welcome your texts any time of the day or night. I’m just shutting out the electronic cacophony that darkens my spirit.

 I know a few folks who observe Lent- I’d love to hear your experiences, as you are willing to share them.

 May the spirit of Lent help you find peace.