Are we friends?

I read a lot of books, and I've started sharing those books with others. Book reviews, giving away books, even.. and pardon me while I tense up a little... lending out books from my personal library. That's right, friends, I have finally decided that it's more important to share my books with others than to keep them all for myself.

A few weeks ago I was chatting with a friend and she shared an opinion with me about a book I had given her; I didn't share the opinion and had to make her explain it to me.

Today, I meet up with my friend before church to hand off the next book in the series to her when she says to me, "Are we friends?" I acknowledge that we are indeed and she then explains that she's concerned she offended me with her previously-shared opinion (which was not in the least bit offensive and made for an interesting observation).

Several years ago when I was first baptized (and was still learning how to be nice in social situations) a member of my church made a comment during a class that we "should never give or take offense". I'm quite familiar with the notion that we can choose not to be offended, and embrace the knowledge that I do have control over my actions and that being offended is something I can choose not to give in to.

When I heard that comment though, I entertained the idea that some people are just offensive. Their opinions and the way they voice them have a way of getting under the skin. But just thinking that forces me to acknowledge that I am occasionally guilty of offending people with the way I voice my opinions; some of my opinions are unpopular and sometimes people are offended because they don't really know me and make assumptions about what I mean when I get that RBF expression.

So when my sweet friend expressed concern that she had offended me, I almost laughed right in her face. I know her, and she is a kind, thoughtful person. When she shares her thoughts with me, she is simply describing how information hit her filters, bounced around in her brain, and then came out of her mouth.

Now when I think about that comment I heard so many years ago - "never give or take offense" - I think I understand it a little better. It's about getting to know the people around us so when they share their thoughts, we know a little about their background and what makes them think the way they do. What about my friend's experiences shape her thinking? What has she encountered in her life that creates those filters that information gets pushed through?

I've heard it said often enough that we are a product of our environments, but it's also true that we are a product of our experiences; or, perhaps, we are a product of how we feel about our experiences. And the more we can come to know about others' experiences the more we can understand them, connect with them, and not be offended by them.