Taxes

Taxes have always scared me. In my before-life, Colin did my taxes. He had a computer programme and wasn't afraid of taxes; I had no math skills and low self-esteem and was terrified of taxes. It worked out perfectly. I took care of the bills (day-to-day financial stuff not being overwhelming or scary for me) and Colin cooked and did taxes.

We never received a return. The IRS was screwing us over. There was nothing we could do. The Man was keeping us down. And we couldn't fight back. Let's have a drink and forget about it.

The truth was Colin didn't really take care of the taxes. I would find out later that he prepared the taxes each year but never mailed them to the IRS. By the time I figured it out I owed over five thousand dollars in penalties and back taxes and he was dead. It was good that he was dead by then; if he'd been alive when I discovered his lie I would have killed him with my bare hands.

It surprises me to look back and realize how naive I was about certain things then. How I took what he told me and didn't question him; how I just accepted what he told me and didn't become involved even in the things that affected me. He was larger than life to me, and if he said he would take care of something, I didn't make him prove it to me.

This is the first year I have prepared my own taxes, instead of having a professional do them for me. Mr. J and I bought a programme and sent them off last night. It wasn't scary or overwhelming at all, and I feel like I've let go of that stupid little girl who accepted what she was told without question. It took me a long time, but I finally I found her inside myself and smothered her to death.