Not in charge today

I was going to go into the office early today. I was all prepared to talk to my assistant and put my foot down on the attitude, and resolve problems and give warnings and make it better. I was going to take charge of the day and make it work for me, make her work for me or show her the door.

That was how I felt on Friday, at any rate. Today I'm not feeling great still; my stomach is upset and my eyeballs hurt and I have to wear a skirt because Mr. J left my pants in the dryer all night and now they're wrinkled. I cannot possibly take charge of things when I'm wearing a skirt. Skirts make me feel girly; sometimes wearing a skirt and feeling girly are both perfectly acceptable things but when I take charge of things I'm wearing pants.

I don't want to be in charge today. I want to pass on taking any responsibility for this day. I want someone else to do it, and I just want to watch. Can I do that?

I want a program, which will allow me to trade responsibilities within a group of people. Like trading chores with siblings ... I'll deal with someone's kids or spouse if someone will come discipline my assistant. Any takers?